Jewish Dating Article
How To Attract Dates: No More Excuses
Do you have a wonderful single life, dating interesting, exciting people? If not, why not? If you are looking for a relationship, but you are not going out on dates frequently, what are your excuses?
Almost everyone I talk to who would like to meet someone has fortified themselves with an excuse. Unfortunately, excuses don’t seem to give us any comfort and we stay stuck in the place where we say we don’t want to be, which is...alone.
The other day, I listened to a young man describe why he can’t find a nice young woman to love and settle down with. As he talked, I heard him give the same reasons women give for not being able to find the man they want. Here are some excuses, told to me recently by men AND women, for why they don’t have love in their lives. The following considerations might help you look at the excuse in a new way:
1. Excuse: There aren’t any good men/women out there.
All the good ones are taken.
Fact: According to the 2003 U.S. census, there are over 221 million adults in our country. Over 100 million of them (roughly 46% of the population) are single.
Consideration: Perhaps there might be one good one in the bunch?
2. Excuse: All the good men/women are married.
There’s no one available for me.
Fact: Many people may be married, but since over 50% of first marriages, 60% of second ones, and 70% of third ones end in divorce, someone will soon be available.
Consideration: Perhaps someone new becomes available every day who you might be interested in?
3. Excuse: Men tend to compartmentalize their feelings.
If I share myself physically, I am emotionally hooked. However, men can just walk away. It doesn’t bother them as much.
Fact: Men may be more reluctant to commit, but when they do, they commit deeply. Statistically, it is women who do more of the breaking up, letting go, and moving on. It takes men longer to get over it. Research studies state that men suffer more from the breakup.
Consideration: Everyone needs to enter a relationship with caution and treat themselves and each other with kindness. Feelings exist in both genders. Understanding boundaries will help you feel safer.
4. Excuse: I am too old to meet someone.
There are no single people in my age group.
Fact: Here is a break down of singles by age group. Whatever your age, there are single people in your group who would like to meet someone. Just because you haven’t met THE ONE doesn’t mean they aren’t out there and available.
· Age 15-24: there are over 33 million singles;
· Age 25-34: there are over 18 million singles;
· Age 35-59: there are over 30 million singles;
· Age 60+: there are over 19 million singles.
Consideration: The 50+ age group is the fastest growing single’s population in the country.
5. Excuse(s): I am too fat/skinny; bald/hairy; educated/un-educated; smart/stupid; beautiful/ugly; rich/poor; tall/short; southern/eastern; western/northern; confident/weak; rigid/pliable.
Take your pick. The list of reasons why people can’t have true love—and anything else they want—stretches out the door and to the other side of town.
Fact: People find each other every day who possess one or a lot of the above mentioned traits. Having certain physical characteristics has nothing to do with finding someone you love, who will love you. Sadly, there are millions of people whose hearts are locked away, imprisoned by a false notion of why they can’t find their life partner. These people get by, wishing love would find them, not daring to believe that it could or would.
Consideration: There is absolutely someone special hoping and looking to find you.
However—it may be necessary to do some work in order to find that someone.
It’s so easy to pluck a reason off the shelf and use it whenever it is convenient. But if you take some actions to meet people, you won’t have to entertain negativity any longer. In fact, there will be no more...excuses, excuses.
About the Author:
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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